Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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