I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm like, not good at living.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
