ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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