so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
