four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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