My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
