Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
