All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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