Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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