I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
