i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize