Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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