I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
