if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize