forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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