WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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