Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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