My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
