Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize