If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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