There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
