2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
