ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
