So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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