I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
