her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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