Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
