She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
