You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
