You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
