I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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