Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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