Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
