whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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