My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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