2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
