remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just threw up on my dentist
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
