I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
