those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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