well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
