kristin has been a bad kristin
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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