I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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