I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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