you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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