atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
