Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
