Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
