She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
