Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
