I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Someone shit on the floor
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a beard to bite.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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