i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
