pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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