All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
