I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
