i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
