You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize