You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
