Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
