Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
