Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
