$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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