Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
