apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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