This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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