genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
