I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
