i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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