I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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