k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
