the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
