I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
