He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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