there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
