After last night, I could never be a politician.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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