You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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