Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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