peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
