Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
