if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nicole vs. Life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
