there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
