Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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