We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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