singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let's get the cat blown out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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