He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
