She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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