so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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