Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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