was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Help. Why am I so naked?
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