OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
