I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
