I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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