dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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