You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
