My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
