It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
