her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just gargled with NyQuil
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
