I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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