My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
