ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
