The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Text me some of your sweat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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