I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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