she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
