and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
