Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
