I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
