Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my poor anus
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
