so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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