you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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