it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
