I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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