Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
