i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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