Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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