I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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