I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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