All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
