well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
