Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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