Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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