I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
