I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
